Marriage

The word marriage (شادی) came into being with the addition of the suffix "y" to the Persian word shad (شاد) that is without sorrow, happy. It means happiness, joy, cheerfulness. Basically, marriage can be defined as a ritual or legal agreement that binds a man to a husband and a woman to a wife. And a new family is added to the society.

Marriage (نکاح) is a relationship that is the starting point of society. In it, a man and a woman together form a unit of society, a family. A good couple is considered one of the greatest blessings of God Almighty.

Marriage takes place with only one woman because when Allah Almighty created Adam, He created only one mother Eve. If four wives were necessary for a man, then Allah Almighty would create four mothers. This concept of four wives is the result of man's misunderstanding. Because it is neither possible for a woman nor a man to endure this ordeal. Four marriages are to support orphans and widows in an emergency (the majority of men die in a war or illness).

Only one wife is needed at a time and if there is any tension or mischief between the spouses, it can be removed through mutual understanding. But divorce or remarriage is not the best thing to do. Men should keep in mind in their married life that if Allah Almighty had not kept this amount of modesty in a woman, this world would have been filled with obscenity. A relationship of trust and respect between husband and wife is a guarantee of their future.

Marriage is a relationship of mutual understanding and tolerance, and if there is a cracks or crevices in it, it cannot be remedied.

Need for marriage:

A young man who has graduated and is employed, as long as he is deprived of a life partner like his wife, his life is like that of a gypsy. Many of his abilities are limited and even suppressed. In the same way, as long as a woman is deprived of her husband, her status is like that of a grapevine which is deprived of spreading and flourishing due to lack of support.

When a woman gets a man and a man gets the companionship of a wife, then their abilities come to the fore and in the field of life, both of them join hands with each other. And Allah blesses both of them in their struggle and their circumstances change drastically.

What is the appropriate age for marriage:

Young people should get married when they are really young. The advantage of getting married on time is that the lives of men and women are often protected from corruption. Getting married on time creates a chaste society where psychologically healthy personalities thrive.

Young people between the ages of 17 and 22 when their hormones fully activated.  These young boys or girls have a natural freshness, attractiveness, charm, beauty and freshness on their faces then every person is ready to marry them irrespective of their shape.  This is the right time to get married. The most beautiful period of life is when a person gets married and reunites with other family members besides his home. He goes through various stages of maintaining relationships, keeping them together and he learns to be kind and faithful.

The delay in marriage after the age of twenty-two should be considered as a delay. However, the minimum age for marriage for girls is 21 to 28 years, while for men it is 25 to 32 years. Be sure to get married in this period.  Because it is a declining age and matrimonial proposals are delayed.

The real age for marriage is that both the boy and the girl are mentally intelligent enough to be well aware of the ups and downs of the times. And be aware of social issues. Both sides must be well aware of their responsibilities. Especially how to handle financial matters. Both sides should know that life is not just a sport but a practical life that requires sacrifices. And it is very important to have endurance on both sides and never let personal ego get in the way. And understand the importance of children, it is important to have the courage to take up their training, raise your family in view of your financial situation. Because children must be qualitative, but not in a great multitude.

Some people become mature at an early age and some people do not grow up even when they are already a man. However, for marriage, it is important for the boy and the girl to be well aware of their responsibilities and to be able to handle financial matters wisely.

If the girl has completed her education and is an expert in family affairs, marry her. Because as she gets older, the glow of her face starts to reduce.

Similarly, if the boy has graduated from education and is employed, then marry him so that he can start a family life and make his place in the society.

Age difference for marriage:

Older women like marital relations with younger men. And men also like women's self-confidence, mental maturity. Which makes this relationship even stronger. Besides, their lives are very peaceful. An older woman takes care of her children as a good mother. Older women give good advice to their husbands about business or job, look after domestic affairs in the best way and have the ability to solve them.

While a young woman poses many difficulties for a man. And instead of understanding the man, she gives importance to her own opinion and her own desires. A young woman always wants to keep herself free from any mistake by putting her shortcomings and mistakes on her husband's head. It is also difficult to deal with a young woman because there is a big difference in mental harmony.

If a woman rises above her personality and submits herself to the rule of a man and helps her husband in resolving matters by expressing his opinion where necessary, then this can be the best married life. The problem arises when men and women do not think in harmony.

Whether it is a personal choice of marriage or a choice of parents, both fail unless sweet words, gentleness, patience, forbearance and forgiveness are not used.

Those girls going to their in-laws, don't think of ruling there immediately, but make their place, spread love, win hearts. A wise woman is one who considers her husband's choice as her choice, her husband's dislike as her dislike. By doing so, one day the crown of self-rule will be placed on her head.

Reason for delay in marriage:

If the marriage is delayed for any reason, young people, especially girls, who have feelings under the influence of hormones working in the body, create in their minds a romantic outline of the opposite sex, which is much more attractive and beautiful than real life. And most of these girls spend time in front of a mirror. And where does the prince of their dreams remains lost? Many girls do not get married because they do not have a suitable proposal. This issue has created anxiety and tension in every home.

Some boy’s marriage is delayed due to not having own house. The boy is 35 years old but the thought is that I will build a new house and then get married. The advice for such boys is to get married first, don't become an old house while building a new house. If there is a room in compulsion, get married and bring your wife home. Allah Almighty will bless you in your provision and then a new house will be built. Abstain from appearances and avoid evil.

Some people consider marriage a burden on how to support children in this time of high prices. Such thinking is our own choice. While Allah Almighty says marry, the provision will increase. And in the same way, having many children is not a religious requirement. Parents should make this decision based on their circumstances and financial resources.

Who is the best girl for marriage:

It is well known among the Arabs that they advise their sons not to marry these seven kinds of women (Anana, Baraqa, Hadaka, Hanana, Shadaka, Kanana and Manana), no matter how beautiful or wealthy they may be. Who are the seven women:-

Anana: A woman who always wears a bandage or dupatta (scarf) on her head, as she is habitual of complaining.

Baraqa: The woman who was always happy in her radiance and splendor.

Hadaka: Such a woman should always demand her husband to ask for whatever she sees or likes.

Hanana: A woman who always remembers her ex-husband or family members and says that they were very good but you are not.

Shadaka: A woman who is very chatty and is always create reasons for talks.

Kanana:  A woman who always remembers the past that I had this and that during so and so time.

Manana:  The woman who always speak or boast of favors conferred to him and complain that I got nothing from you.

The relationship between marriage and health:

Marriage is associated with good health. Married patients with cancer are more likely to avoid the disease than unmarried people.

Married people get better social support which helps to protect them from any deadly disease.

Your spouse saves your life on a daily basis.

Middle-aged married people are physically healthier, stronger grips and faster than their unmarried peers.

Married people walk faster than divorced people, while divorced women have a weaker grip.

Married couples care more about their safety, better sleep, reduced stress levels, protection against mental illness, longer life, less chance of stroke, reduced risk of heart attack.

There are 8 amazing medical benefits to getting married:

1. More likely to survive after operations:

A good spouse is helpful in recovering after major surgery such as heart bypass etc. Happy couples are three times more likely to survive 15 years after major surgery than single people. A good relationship helps people stay healthy but it only happens when the couple is satisfied with each other.

2. Take more care of your safety:

Married couples are less likely to be involved in hazardous activities such as driving dangerously or abstaining from unhealthy substances (drug use). When people get married, there is a significant reduction in the tendency for dangerous actions within them and this is probably due to the realization of those who are dependent on them (wife, husband and children) and therefore they take special care of their safety.

3. Better Sleep:

If the relationship with your spouse is pleasant, your sleep is also much better than that of unsatisfied couples or single people. If the relationship is happy after marriage, people's sleep quality improves, but in unhappy couples, this sleep is affected and if insomnia is complained, the risk of irritability and other diseases, including obesity, increases.

4. Reduce stress levels:

Getting married significantly reduces the risk of stress or frustration within people. A long-term happy relationship changes the hormones that cause stress. Although post-marital life is fraught with challenges such as caring for children and financial stress, it is much easier for married people to cope with other issues in their lives.

5. Protection against mental illness:

Married men and women have a lower risk of many mental illnesses. Married couples have a lower rate of depression and a significantly lower risk of developing other mental illnesses than single or divorced people.

6. The chances of stroke are low:

Married men have a much lower risk of having a stroke than single men. Married people are more likely to have immediate medical attention in case of stroke than unmarried people.

7. Reduces the risk of heart attack:

Getting married reduces the risk of heart attack in both men and women. Marriage reduces the risk of death from blood vessel problems in men and women of all ages and is due to married people living a healthier life, gaining the support of more friends and relatives. However, no matter how decent a bachelor is, he/she faces problems everywhere in the society and most of the families are rarely visiting bachelors.

8. Long life:

The greatest benefit of marriage is longevity. After marriage, the life span of a couple can be extended up to several years. Unmarried people are twice as likely to die early.

Marriage / Wedding celebrations:

Many mental illnesses have been created in the world due to social evils. The cause of which is mankind itself. As the unjust customs of the society have created troubles in the life of a common man. And this series does not stop anywhere, rather, it continues with the whole climate. While no conscious human being considers it in line with our society, there are no voices against it.

Marriage is a natural process found in every religion. From an Islamic point of view, marriage prevents evils and is a sign of family expansion. The happiness of the people is visible on the occasion of marriage. Islam does not forbid rejoicing on such an occasion, but the arrangement of the Waleema (Party) by the groom after marriage is an expression of happiness is in line with the Islamic Shariah. But we indulge in extravagant in weddings and go too far in wedding ceremonies due to many unnecessary rituals.

Wealthy people of the society who are rich, their desire to show off their wealth has gripped the society. And many middle class people are becoming victim of this false tradition of society. All this nonsense is taking people to false glory and ego.  Lifetime savings are also proving to be insufficient for marriages. People are getting married with interest bearing loans and year after year, they are burdened with debt.

This pretense (show off) in society is throwing many forced parents into mental anguish and psychological fire. Such a condition gives rise to hatred and mental illness in human society.  Many marriages do not take place because of these false egoisms, wasteful spending and rituals.  The scope of social organizations that organize mass marriages should be expanded and all marriages should be conducted through them.

The middle class should spread their legs by looking at their sheet. The path of moderateness and middle course should be adopted.

Remember that there are six shariah (Islamic laws) acts of marriage.  In which there are two obligations (فرائض). One is acceptance and the other is two witnesses. Similarly, there is a requisite (واجب) called money settled upon wife (مہر). And there are three other traditions called Sunnah (سنت) the way Prophet Muhammed peace be upon him acted. Among them are Khutbah Nikah (recitation of marriage sermon), distribution of dry dates and Willima (a feast arranged by the groom after wedding).  Apart from these deeds, everything that is done in marriage is illegal and against the Sunnah.

Do not anger Allah Almighty for pleasing personal ego, friends and relatives.

Note: This is my personal opinion and neither of you has to agree.

Abdul Qayum Khan Ghouri - Lahore Pakistan